Got2speakonlyfe

Recently I got laid off because of “workforce reduction” or downsizing. Change excites me yet the ill effects are also felt, I’m a work in progress and I do my best to stay positive. Financially I have no worries, I eat good and I have love and family around. I tend to get lost in my thoughts now that I have so much free time so I work a little harder to shut off the redundant mind talk and remember I am here for a reason. After working in an office setting for a couple years you grow attatched to the people and the routine of 9-5 life. On the brighter side I am filled with excitement. Losing a hum drum job helps you remember what your real dream is and gives you time to execute it. As for myself, I love music, writing and helping people and I didn’t do one of those things 40 something hours of my week. I feel free. God is surely good, he’s in control and he knows where he’s taking me. I trust him Now that I am “between opportunities” I will have my 2nd knee surgery done. I had my meniscus repaired months ago…now, Acl reconstruction, within a year or two I will be doing yoga and dancing again. Yaaaay! Not to mention my S&F case is doing just dandy and the love of my life is sweeter than ever. I know I don’t have a job but I feel so blessed to have made it over that stepping stone in my life…NeXT!

I love him so it doesn’t seem impure
But How does God view it
I love to get crazy in bed
“Make you say things”
The urge is so strong
I want it all the time
Should that be considered Greed?
If I am greedy, I am behaving improperly
I am hindered in my walk
According to the great book
Mind you, I dont believe every sentence written
yet I believe in this certain verse particularly…

“Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity,
or of Greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people (Eph. 5:3 NIV)”

…so Deep in my soul it reeks of truth
It proves to be a difficult task to determine If my lovemaking fits into this category
I feel so dirty
In a good way?
I thank God afterwards
for it is surely a blessing
To connect with him in such a spiritual way
I will not declare confusion
I will just say I am a work in progress with questions to be answered
God is molding me daily to meet his standards
I am not straddling the fence but on the playing field in the thick of the action
I feel guity but proud
Full of angst and glory
I kiss him with a smile
Feeling like God is present one moment
Like he is shaking his head the next
I will hand this over to the lord
and i refuse to burden my heart and my love with worry
I find comfort in the idea that I care so much
I have truly grown into the God-fearing woman I dreamed I would be.

Life feels more like a paradise. I knew these days were moving in. A time where a weaker me would miss the stageshow. The spectacle of lights over my being, dangerously surrounding me and clouding my vision. “Drama queen no more” I inform my spectators. I have been touched, lifted and enlightened. Everywhere I turn I am faced with a life shifting descision. Hello my love, I will not hurt you. Hello mother, I will nurture you. Hello my friend, I have an answer for you. The route has been revealed. I am being carried and would be a fool not to lend my cooperation. A whispered thank you echoing through my body now and ever. When I change the world I will shout his name, for now ill say it, write it and type it on my g1…its a beautiful Sunday readers, and a beautiful year so far. Be grateful and praise him freely.

Even in its most drastic form change is usually good. To my friend who got laid off today for no reason two days before Christmas, that just means God will open the next door for him. To my friend going through a divorce, knowing she deserves better, yet not wanting to be alone. It seems traumatic now, god will bless her for loving herself enough to walk away. To my friend who is used to the penthouse and lush landscapes forced to move back in with the parents, she needs time to reflect on what god may have been trying to show her while she was living it up. To my friend who can easily run the block to feed his family like he is all to familiar with doing but he chooses to watch his wife work a 9 to 5 knowing God sees him. To myself who sits with no car and living with friends, working everyday instead of taking the easy way out and moving to another state with a man who claims he would’ve helped me. Made sure I had a car, clothes, no rent, whatever. No one can win when they resist change. When they stress change. All my people who hate working the phones. Baby, people are NOT doing good right now, please be thankful you have what you have. It is a stepping stone so use it as that. I just ordered a book titled “how to be proactive in the meantime”. I can’t wait to read it. God knows that I know that I am meant to do something BIG while I’m here. I won’t cry in the meantime.I will know God is molding me. Christmas is almost here!!

He fucks with my intelligence. Tells me that I’m ugly when I know that I’m not. He makes me want to do things I don’t enjoy doing. Makes me feel angry when nothing is wrong. Puts words in peoples mouths that will be hurtful to me. He smiles when I cry. Laughs when I fail, even harder when I don’t try. He’s a force to reckon with. A voice to cast out. He’s real. I’m surrounded. The devil does not always wear red. He mingles with your family and friends. He attends your school. He signs your check. Sitting on a shelf at your local library and speaking through your speakers. Boasting across the scrolling marquee on your favorite news program. Unfortunately he is a multi-tasker. He’s smart but I know someone smarter and more powerful. Someone who can hand pick people, things and circumstances that you need for personal growth and give them to you. Someone who also makes people say things, positive and uplifting things that are catered to you. He talks to you too…he tells you how beautiful and special you are. He holds your hand daily as you weather the storm, leading you to your destiny. He is real and he is at work. He smiles when you smile, cries when you cry. He protects you. He is GOD.

(C) Angela Williams

A few months ago I was arrested and charged with “simple battery”. My used to be bEst friend and roomate Merlyn used to have this dude that I did not like over the house all the time and he crossed the line one day. I can’t disclose the exact details, just know that he deserved much more than me swinging on him. He stole my phone and ran out of the apartment. I proceeded to the Impala to track him down. Somewhere along the way he called Trol (the police) and I looked like the bad guy so this man-looking lady cop slammed me against the car and lectured me all the way to my next stop. There were so many thoughts running through my head. Yes I was wrong for chasing him down for my phone, and I knew that at the time. I did it anyway and I got what I deserved. I’m happy I punched him though.. I know violence is neVer the answer but u don’t know what he DID…So 3 court dates later and an online anger management course, it’s almost over! My last hearing is today at 1 and all I needed to do was stay away from the “victim” and complete an anger management course and the charge will be audjudicated. The reason why I say I will hang this paper that says I completed an online course on my wall in one of my multi-million dollar houses is because it represents the end of a very confusing chapter in my life. God was working hard in my life to change me and after he took my car and my “friends” away I had time to think. I was able to turn to him for the answers. As a result I’m understanding who I am, more and more everyday. I feel the blessings flowing. I’m on my way to my destiny and the old me has withered away. God protects me from my demons, from reverting back to my old sinful ways. Towards the end of Merlyn and I’s friendship, she said some hurtful things to me, threatened me repeatedly and tried to fight me. The old Angela would have swung on her. Do you know what I did? I went into my bathroom and locked the door and prayed while she talked her shit. “That’s what you better do, scary hoe”! screaming at me in mY room. I just prayed for her and for the situation because I knew the devil was at work. My BEST and only female friend since grade school would never do such things without satan himself lending a hand. I’m so happy today, I took the day off to handle my business. It’s payday! I feel the Christmas spirit and I wanna buy GIFTS! Its a beautiful day and if its not my friends, you should consider signing up for an anger management course.

In the Cubicle