Even in its most drastic form change is usually good. To my friend who got laid off today for no reason two days before Christmas, that just means God will open the next door for him. To my friend going through a divorce, knowing she deserves better, yet not wanting to be alone. It seems traumatic now, god will bless her for loving herself enough to walk away. To my friend who is used to the penthouse and lush landscapes forced to move back in with the parents, she needs time to reflect on what god may have been trying to show her while she was living it up. To my friend who can easily run the block to feed his family like he is all to familiar with doing but he chooses to watch his wife work a 9 to 5 knowing God sees him. To myself who sits with no car and living with friends, working everyday instead of taking the easy way out and moving to another state with a man who claims he would’ve helped me. Made sure I had a car, clothes, no rent, whatever. No one can win when they resist change. When they stress change. All my people who hate working the phones. Baby, people are NOT doing good right now, please be thankful you have what you have. It is a stepping stone so use it as that. I just ordered a book titled “how to be proactive in the meantime”. I can’t wait to read it. God knows that I know that I am meant to do something BIG while I’m here. I won’t cry in the meantime.I will know God is molding me. Christmas is almost here!!
He fucks with my intelligence. Tells me that I’m ugly when I know that I’m not. He makes me want to do things I don’t enjoy doing. Makes me feel angry when nothing is wrong. Puts words in peoples mouths that will be hurtful to me. He smiles when I cry. Laughs when I fail, even harder when I don’t try. He’s a force to reckon with. A voice to cast out. He’s real. I’m surrounded. The devil does not always wear red. He mingles with your family and friends. He attends your school. He signs your check. Sitting on a shelf at your local library and speaking through your speakers. Boasting across the scrolling marquee on your favorite news program. Unfortunately he is a multi-tasker. He’s smart but I know someone smarter and more powerful. Someone who can hand pick people, things and circumstances that you need for personal growth and give them to you. Someone who also makes people say things, positive and uplifting things that are catered to you. He talks to you too…he tells you how beautiful and special you are. He holds your hand daily as you weather the storm, leading you to your destiny. He is real and he is at work. He smiles when you smile, cries when you cry. He protects you. He is GOD.
Should I say that he’s special? Should I summarize what we are? Maybe sweetly recap from day one? I might as well paint a picture of him and I walking together. Why not? With all this love inside of me, I will write for an hour or two. I should mention his beauty, because it runs so deep. He’s my friend. Shall I tell him that I cherish his friendship? I think I will. I decided to shun any hesitation to be the corny young gal that I have been blessed to be. I’ll write from my heart. I won’t rehearse. I’ll say “action” and see what happens. I’m excited. I know he’ll feel me. I feel me and he’s a lot like me so why not? I’ll have to tell him he’s the biggest, most beautiful surprise since election day when Obama took that! I didn’t expect to love him you know? I was just chilling. Learning. Moving. Grinding…He’s such a blessing. He makes me happy, or should I say he elevates the level of happiness. You know like happy on steroids in a perfect world where steroids just make you bigger and better without side effects. I don’t remember the last time someone made me laugh like him. It brings tears to my eyes. I mean I think I should at least mention it? He may think I’m used to this sort of treatment. I’ll make sure to mention my hurtful and educational past when I write him. I’ll let him know that I don’t care who he used to be or who he used to do.I could care less of his outlandish deeds, I love the finished product. I love that he treats me as I treat ME…pretty damn good. I’m going to tell him that I’m here for him. I’m here to listen, support, guide and follow. Damn I have a lot to write.
I left my phone charger at the job. I am distraught. Lol I thought I would be okay until tomorrow morning but I don’t think that’s the case. If it was a regular phone then maybe I could move on. I’m a g1 junkie…Iv had the phone for a month now and u better believe that if u see me, my bAbI is not far. The funny thing is that earlier, I thought I left the phone in the restroom at work and I hung up on my customer and ran like a trackstar to the empty stall. I didn’t see it so I ran right back to my desk and it was at the bottom of my purse the entire time. Now I’m finally home. As I lie down to relax and do some more online shopping I see that my phone is almost dead. I reach into my purse and my charger is not there. NOoooooo! So I called my friend to take me back to work and I wrote this blog entry before my phone died, but the addiction is sIcK. Lol Why couldn’t I wait till morning?
A few months ago I was arrested and charged with “simple battery”. My used to be bEst friend and roomate Merlyn used to have this dude that I did not like over the house all the time and he crossed the line one day. I can’t disclose the exact details, just know that he deserved much more than me swinging on him. He stole my phone and ran out of the apartment. I proceeded to the Impala to track him down. Somewhere along the way he called Trol (the police) and I looked like the bad guy so this man-looking lady cop slammed me against the car and lectured me all the way to my next stop. There were so many thoughts running through my head. Yes I was wrong for chasing him down for my phone, and I knew that at the time. I did it anyway and I got what I deserved. I’m happy I punched him though.. I know violence is neVer the answer but u don’t know what he DID…So 3 court dates later and an online anger management course, it’s almost over! My last hearing is today at 1 and all I needed to do was stay away from the “victim” and complete an anger management course and the charge will be audjudicated. The reason why I say I will hang this paper that says I completed an online course on my wall in one of my multi-million dollar houses is because it represents the end of a very confusing chapter in my life. God was working hard in my life to change me and after he took my car and my “friends” away I had time to think. I was able to turn to him for the answers. As a result I’m understanding who I am, more and more everyday. I feel the blessings flowing. I’m on my way to my destiny and the old me has withered away. God protects me from my demons, from reverting back to my old sinful ways. Towards the end of Merlyn and I’s friendship, she said some hurtful things to me, threatened me repeatedly and tried to fight me. The old Angela would have swung on her. Do you know what I did? I went into my bathroom and locked the door and prayed while she talked her shit. “That’s what you better do, scary hoe”! screaming at me in mY room. I just prayed for her and for the situation because I knew the devil was at work. My BEST and only female friend since grade school would never do such things without satan himself lending a hand. I’m so happy today, I took the day off to handle my business. It’s payday! I feel the Christmas spirit and I wanna buy GIFTS! Its a beautiful day and if its not my friends, you should consider signing up for an anger management course.
Wow. Let me start by saying that this album is amazing. A coworker of mine told me that the cd was garbage and that all the songs “sounded the same”. What? MIKE. Gotta call you out. What were you listening to, may I ask? When I read a few reviews online, some enjoyed it, most said it sounded like the songs were’nt “ready” to be released. One particular gentleman went on to say that he sounded like a “drunken idiot” Funny? Si senor. True? NO. I love all of Kanye’s work but now I must say I respect him more than ever as an artist. 808’s and heartbreak was an amazingly honest cry for help that I enjoyed from start to finish…repeatedly. Ok the premise is this, Picture a lost soul, searching for fame, chasing the almighty dollar, never experiencing real love except that of his mother. Okay we all know the first cut is the deepest…He fell. HARD. She was beautiful and everything was okay with her by his side. She was a “robocop” but he loved her just the same. She “broke the rules” apparently and as quick as she appeared, she was gone. Now anyone who knows about true heartbreak knows the whirl of negative, “end of the world” emotions a person goes through at this point. But most of us don’t have millions of dollars, a proffesional recording studio at our disposal and Lil Wayne and Jeezy to come help out with our personal vision. Okay, I’m about to SPOIL like yogurt in a fridge during a hurricane…#1.SAY YOU WILL: Ok if she left WhY is she calling? Saying freaky, lovely things that she will do to him? He goes on and on for a few moments about how he hopes she is being serious because there’s nothing more that he would love to do than experience her again. Somewhere near the 2nd verse he cries how he “wishes this song were true” and there’s about 2 minutes of lonely and hopeful instrumental approaching silence. Its a perfect intro to this sad tale. #2. WELCOME TO HEARTBREAK: First few lines…”My friend showed me pictures of his kids, all I could do is show pictures of my cribs” It starts to kick in that Kanye West is telling the truth, he’s not just doing it to be different. He really broke up with his fiance recently and these are his woes. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you will be able to enjoy his work. He goes on about his family having a wedding and how he was late, had to leave early and didn’t know who to bring…And it SouNds so good! I don’t have the insert because I downloaded the album in mp3 format but I am dying to see who produced this song.
I will continue in a bit, its like 4 in the morning lol, I was just compelled to write this review.
Btween checks I promise myself not to spend on materialistic buLL…I go as far as making a detailed list of ways to use my money in productive ways. As soon as I get some new money, I sit with it for a day or two and I spend it on something i will soon stash up somewhere and never use. It’s an ugly cycle. It’s been much worse, and I guess I can’t expect to change overnight, but it’s slowing down my progress! I feel different though, Lately i’v been spending money on my family and other outlets other than hollister and kohls lol. I feel myself changing. I don’t eat out as much. I don’t NEED a trip to the spa. Like many other things I speak on, its a constant spiritual war. One side of me buys comfort items. A new designer shirt. The latest hype in the electronic world. A gourmet meal at a nice resturant…dining alone…NOT EVEN HUNGRY. Spending money that is meant to help myselp and others make moves in this crazy world. I see the bigger picture…I’ll keep praying for myself…I don’t want to have a “consumer’s mind” I have so much to do and life is short! Lord…Deliver me from the mall.
I feel much better now. I spoke with my father last night for a half an hour or so. I was avoiding making the call because I didn’t call him on his birthday. I also avoided calling him on Thanksgiving for no apparent reason. I felt terrible and I didn’t know what to do. My heart was telling me to just call, he’s probably worried about me at this point. The little voice in the corridor of my mind was telling me not to call because I had been a bad daughter. The battlefield of the mind is a dangerous place. Last night I was browsing through dvds because I had extra money on my amazon.com account. I stumbled accross the 4 disc set of “Faulty Towers” which immediately brought back warm memories of my dad. I had to be 10 or 12 years old when he had me watch a few episodes of this hilArIous british comedy show. I had to buy it for him! The perfect christmas gift…but I didn’t have his address, hell I didn’t even have his phone number. So I proceeded to call my grandma (nan) and obtain the digits. I called, we had a wonderful conversation and I ordered the gift to reach him by christmas day. But WHY do we sometimes run from our loved ones???? The devil is a LIAR! Lol
I just added the link to my blog on my famous youtube video so first and foremost I would like to welcome all of you to my blog. To those who don’t know…I have a video on Youtube of me “dancing”. The video has over one million hits because I am, indeed, Thick and sexy I have been neglecting my viewers and I am sooooo sowY but the past few months have taken me through so many changes. God is in my life more actively than ever and everything is UP from here so in a nutshell…I’M BAQ!
I will post new videos in a few months when I buy a new camera.
I feel different though, Lately i’v been spending money on my family and other outlets other than hollister and kohls lol. I feel myself changing. I don’t eat out as much. I don’t NEED a trip to the spa. Like many other things I speak on, its a constant spiritual war. One side of me buys comfort items. A new designer shirt. The latest hype in the electronic world. A gourmet meal at a nice resturant…dining alone…NOT EVEN HUNGRY. Spending money that is meant to help myselp and others make moves in this crazy world. I see the bigger picture…I’ll keep praying for myself…I don’t want to have a “consumer’s mind” I have so much to do and life is short! Lord…Deliver me from the mall.
I have been neglecting my viewers and I am sooooo sowY but the past few months have taken me through so many changes. God is in my life more actively than ever and everything is UP from here so in a nutshell…I’M BAQ!